Mini Freak-Out

{Via}

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember.  I don't really have panic attacks, but on a daily basis I'm filled with anxiety for one reason or another.  Sometimes I don't even really know the reason, just that I'm anxious and I have a difficult time breathing.  It usually passes for awhile until something else triggers it.

Since my accident in July I've been a ball of nerves while driving.  I get in the car and my back almost instantly tenses up.

If someone comes too close to me, I panic.

If someone puts their brakes on too quickly, I panic.

If someone pulls out of a side road or driveway and I think they might hit me, I panic.

I despise driving in heavy traffic because it's a constant stop-and-go thing and I think someone is going to brake and I'm not going to be able to stop, again, even if I've got plenty of room in front of me.

I'm a mess.

Because I was recently in another accident, I'm even more on high alert and everything is startling me.

Last week I was coming up on a red light and a car pulled out from a gas station really quickly and I totally jumped, almost out of my skin!

Today, Kyle and I were on our way to meet my dad and step-mom for lunch.  We had just gotten off the freeway and there was a car in front of us that was turning right into a parking lot and I thought that Kyle didn't see that she was turning so I gasped and braced myself.  Kyle then dramatically mimicked me and I burst into tears.  I told him that he doesn't understand.

I guess it all finally just got to me and I couldn't contain it anymore.  I had the ugly cry with the uncontrollable sobs going on.  He was apologizing all over himself.  But whenever something like this happens and I gasp and brace myself he makes fun of me and gets mad that I do that.  I don't do it intentionally, ya know?  It's just instinct.  I told him that he doesn't understand.  I hate driving.  I hate being in the car, period.

I just don't know what to do about this anxiety.

I can't stop driving because it's rather necessary.

But at the same time, I can't let this anxiety get out of control.  I know that if I don't figure something out now, it could become debilitating and I certainly don't want that.

While I don't know what to do physically to make this anxiety go away, I know that I need to give it to God.  He's the one that will be able to help me.  And believe me, I pray about this constantly.

In fact, the other night, I had a dream.  In my dream, I was partially parked in front of someone's driveway, just sitting in my car.  {No idea why.}  The person's driveway that I was partially blocking came out of their house and wanted to leave so I put my car in reverse, hit the gas and crashed into a car many feet behind me, which ended up in my crushing about four different cars.  Talk about a nightmare!  That dream woke me up enough that I realized it was just a dream.  I instantly prayed that the dream wasn't a premonition and that it would never, ever happen to me!

Gah!  I just wish that I wasn't so messed up in the head!

Does anyone have any tried and true, natural fixes for anxiety?

{I used to take meds for anxiety but since I don't have insurance, I haven't taken anything in years.}

{Via}