Isn't It Ironic?

{Courtesy of Google Images}

I had a rather odd dream this morning.  Seemed like it went on forever so it may have started long before I realized I was dreaming, if that makes sense.

The participants:
My cousin Hollie
Myself
The Duggars
Random people that were in and out

I don't really remember a lot of the details like where we were and things like that but I remember that we were on a retreat or something.

All of the Duggar kids were running around and I was sweeping the floor and some of the kids ran right through my pile of dirt.  I made some sort of comment about it and a couple of the boys said they were sorry.

Then my cousin Hollie was standing talking to some people around a kitchen island and I remember her saying something about a lack of a period and then she started crying.  I came up to her and was rubbing her back.  She was basically telling the Duggar's her infertility story {and I should mention that I have NO IDEA if she's even infertile, this was just in my dream}.

I just found it rather ironic...or something... that my cousin was telling the DUGGAR's, a family with 19 frickin kids, about infertility.

I think I dreamt about my cousin Hollie because I was at her parents house yesterday and my aunt and I were talking about her, but nothing that had to do with trying to have a baby.  Hollie is getting ready to graduate from college in May and she's been married for two years in July or August.

Not a clue why the Duggar's invaded my dream. LOL

And I think I dreamt about infertility because it's been on my mind a lot lately.

I wish I could remember more.  I was going to tell my cousin about this dream and find out from her if it had any truth to it but I can't find her on Facebook.  She must've deleted her profile or something.

Dreams are weird things, aren't they?

I Gotta Be Honest

{Courtesy of Google Images}

I don't really know what to write about right now.

There's a bunch of random going through my head but I don't think I can really put together a very cohesive post on one subject.

I could write about how I'm sitting in my pj's on the couch right now.  How I read a chapter in One Thousand Gifts, watched the video that goes with it from the (in)courage book club and am now debating about when I'm going to get up and get ready for the day.

How Chewy's sister Molly is going to be here in an hour or so, for five days, and how I'm worried she's going to tear my house apart because she's a little mischief maker.  Or how I now have to amend this because Molly's dad called and one of their kids is sick so now Molly won't be coming till tomorrow.  Chewy's going to be sad.

You might be interested to know that my mom bought me a new camera as a graduation gift.  I've been taking pictures.  Lots and lots of pictures, especially of Chewy and Milo.  I'm pretty excited about this gift because my camera that I bought used about six years ago recently died.  So this gift is perfect timing.  Oh and by the way?  It's already been to Europe cuz my mom borrowed it before giving it to me. Stinker!

Or that I have a temporary'ish-permanent'ish job doing home health care that my dad got me through a company that he used to do business with and still kind of / sorta does.  And how my first "assignment" is working with my aunt that has cerebral palsey. And how she's going to be up at my dad's / grandparents house for the next week or so while my other aunt that this aunt lives with is having back surgery and that I'm getting a "trial run" with her while she's there before I go and "officially" work with her on the 30th.

I could tell you that my mom is getting ready to put her house on the market so she's packing it all up and in the process she's trying to get me to take a bunch of her stuff.  She already gave me a bag of stuff that's going to go straight to the Goodwill.  How she called me the other day and told me not to be upset, that she had good intentions but that she wanted to know if I wanted to store all of the baby stuff she's accumilated over the years for the baby that may or may not ever come into my life and that I told her I'd rather not.  And that aside from all of that I'm really sad that she's selling her house and is basically going to be living out of her car {by choice}and become a nomad.  That she told me she's thinking about driving across the country, alone, and that worries the heck out of me!

I might also be able to tell you that I had a really great, heartfelt, conversation with my dad last week.  The first one that we've had in a very, very, very long time.  That he told me some things that I never knew and came from his heart and that I, too, told him some things that worry me and cause me anxiety.  And that we had a shared memory of one time when my sister and I were young and my dad called my mom a name.  I thought that he called her a 'bitch' and I worried all night long about why he would call her that and in the morning my mom had asked me if I had heard what my dad called her and that he had called her a 'witch' and I sighed of relief that he hadn't called her a 'bitch'. My dad told me that he remembers this instance clearly and had wondered all these years if I had misunderstood him.  We laughed about it.

Another thing I could mention would be that there are a bazillion babies surrounding me right now and I'm really, really, trying hard to not let it bother me but one of my younger cousins just had her fourth child the other day.  I'm the oldest grandchild on my dad's side of the family and I have yet to produce any offspring.

And one reason why that is bothering me is because my grandma has Alzheimer's and it's only getting worse.  Makes me sad that she's not going to see me with kids, and remember it.  Already she's asking me to tell her about my boyfriend and I have to tell her that my husband of 9 years might not like it if I had a boyfriend, too.  {Of course, I'm joking around with her, but that's just an example of how things are going these days.}

I'm trying, desperately, to get my happy back.  The sun that we've had the last couple days is helping but I'm having to dig really deep.  There is just so much going on right now and I'm just not sure what to write, what anyone might want to read, or not.  I'm discouraged and my blog shows it and I hate that.  I want happy and I want to BE happy and I want my blog to be a happy place that you all want to visit and participate with.  I know that I'm not such a great bloggy friend these days and I apologize for that.  I hope to be better sooner rather than later.

But again, I don't know what to write about so I could tell you about the above but maybe I won't.

What I Have To Listen To Daily

Kyle

{Sorry it's dark}

Chewy

Is it nails on a chalkboard to anyone else?

Worship and Praise Sunday: Be Thou My Vision

 Be Thou My Vision

Selah

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Walking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son
Thou in my dwelling, and I with Thee one

High King of Heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art 

~~~~~

We sang this song in church today and I love the old hymns so thought I'd share it today.

Also, here's the story of it.  It's always interesting to me how songs came about and you might like to know too.

"Be Thou My Vision" is a hymn derived from an 8th century Irish folk song. It expresses a desire for God’s hand in our lives and a longing to be in His presence. The first words are credited to Dallan Forgaill in a work entitled, Rob tu mo bhoile, a Comdi cride. Mary Bryne, in Dublin, Ireland, first translated the entire Irish folk song into English in 1905. Eleanor H. Hull converted the lyrics to "Be Thou My Vision" into verse in 1905.

     The folk song got its start in Ireland around 433 AD, when on the night before Easter; St. Patrick defied a royal decree by lighting candles. High King Logaire of Tara had traditionally lit a fire beginning a pagan spring festival. It was his order that no one could light a fire before him on this night. When Logaire learned of St. Patrick’s arrogance, he was so impressed he let him continue services.

Because of St. Patrick’s bravery, or perhaps ignorance, " Be Thou My Vision" has come from being a simple folk song to a hymn that is known for its gentleness. It is through tales such as these, time seems to disappear when we are confronted with the work of an Almighty God. 

 

~~~~~

If you'd like to see previous Worship and Praise songs, you can do so here.

Worship and Praise Sunday: Hold Us Together

Hold Us Together

Matt Maher

VERSE ONE:

It don't have a job
Don't pay your bills
Won't buy you a home
In Beverly Hills

VERSE TWO:
Won't fix your life
In five easy steps
Ain't the law of the land
Or the government

PRE CHORUS:
But it's all you need..

CHORUS:
Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

VERSE THREE:
It's waiting for you
Knockin' at your door!
Every moment of truth
When your heart hits the floor

PRE CHORUS TWO:
When you're on your knees then...

CHORUS:
Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

BRIDGE:
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, s'gonna be alright 

This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, s'gonna be alright 

CHORUS:
Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

EXTRO:
Woooho!
Arhaaaa!

~~~~~

The first time that I went to take my CNA exam this song came on the radio as I was getting near the testing center.  I was beyond nervous and then I heard this song, specifically the bridge part, and it brought me to tears:

This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, s'gonna be alright 

I felt more calm after that because I knew that it was gonna be alright.

Then I failed.

And I was mad.

At myself.

I was mad that this song had given me false hope.

But then, last Sunday when I was heading in that direction again, this song came on AGAIN.

It still encouraged me event though I felt that I had been given hope only to be let down, before.  

But I also knew that there must be a reason why I was hearing it again.  

And I let it remain with me.

This is the first day of the rest of your life...

And it's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright.

And I passed my exam.

When I got back in the car to go home, it came on AGAIN.

I think God was definitely trying to tell me something with this song!

So in the same way that it's been an encouragement to me, I hope it's an encouragement to you today, as well.

~~~~~

If you'd like to see previous Worship and Praise songs, you can do so here.

Still Around

Hey Peeps!

Sorry I haven't been around all that much.

I wanted to thank you all for the Congrats on Passing the exam for my CNA license!  Very, very exciting!  I posted that from the parking lot of the testing center.  I couldn't wait to let you all know since you've been there for me, encouraging me, through this whole past year or so.  So, again, Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I've mentioned it before but this is just a really tough time for Kyle and me.  We're hanging in there, squeaking by, but I guess I haven't posted much because I don't have a lot of positivity passing through me right now.  I don't want everything I post to be so depressing so it's better for me to remain silent.  I'm trying to get past it all.  Working on it.

I also know that what we're going through is so small compared to what's going on in the world right now.  I can't even believe the devastation that's occurred in Japan.  So very sad and my prayers are definitely going out to the people of Japan!  I certainly know that we are blessed today!

Speaking of those blessings, this morning I had the pleasure of having two of my very best friends over for breakfast.  I don't think we've ever done that before but it just happened to work best with schedules and it was perfect!  So thank you Jewel and Colleen {and Ruby, Breydan and Avalon} for coming and spending the morning with Chewy and me!  I loved having you over and I hope that we can do it again!  {We missed you Krista!}

If you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate prayers for a job to come around ASAP.  Thank you!! xoxo

PASSED

I passed the State exam for my CNA license!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Jesus!!!

*sigh of relief*