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| {Courtesy of Google Images} |
1. I wish Goggle Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
5. There is a great need for a "sarcasm" font.
6. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
7. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
8. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
9. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
10. Was learning cursive really necessary?
11. I have a tough time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
12. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Step dads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual step dads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
13. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
14. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
15. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front of the line. Stay strong, brothers!
17. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
18. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
20. Bad decisions make good stories
21. Whenever I'm Facebook-stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
23. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
24. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
25. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
26. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
27. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
28. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
29. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me, but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
30. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
31. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
32. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
33. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
34. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition when I was in college.
35. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
36. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button, from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
37. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
38. It really ticks me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
39. I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
40. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
41. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
42. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard.
